I’ve made another video!! It’s only been like two months since the last one, but aaaaaaaanyway! Here it is!
I was at a Youtube event organised by Influencers of Sweden last week and got SUPER HYPED about making videos! So hyped in fact that I filmed and edited this video in one go, like I had some lunch but no breaks haha…. Probs not the best way to do it, but I just wanted to get it out there.
Anyway, I’m discussing what an artist is as well as what it’s like to call yourself an artist in this video! I really struggle with that last part, and it’s kind of annoying, so I wanted to help EVERYONE but most of all help myself because that’s how human beings work!! Hehe.
Alternative title: How to not feel like a lesser artist the Jessica Andersdotter way: think about it! Also: Way too long post with some random pictures to make it lighter And lastly: Kind of interesting actually.
Sup guys. What’s crackalackin? Personally I’m kind of excited, because I’ve been having ~*thinking sessions*~ about my ~*art*~ and had some ~*insights*~. The reason behind this is actually called “art school”. More specifically “application for art school”, where I need to write a kind of description of myself as an artist. Which seemed really hard but turned out to be MIND BLOWING and SO MUCH FUN. So today we’re gonna discuss my identity as an artist a little bit (a lot bit actually), and my journey to finally maybe feeling like I’m actually a “worthy” artist.
The rational part of my brain has known that me not being “worthy” is utter bullshit for a while now, but then there’s that insecure little fellow in the corner who is SO LOUD and was like “YES BUT NO BECAUSE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” and then the rational gal left because she couldn’t stand the sound. That’s how brains work, right?
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about why I create, why I create what I create and things like that. The fact is that I’ve never been a political artist. It’s not like I don’t have opinions and thoughts about society, it’s just that I don’t process it through art. A lot of times I’ve felt like a lesser artist because of this, like my art isn’t as meaningful as art that has that deeper purpose or is political. I’ve tried searching for a deeper (political) purpose that would suit me, but that hasn’t worked out. Inspiration level: zero.
And this actually reminds me a lot of when I studied photography for a few years in school, and felt like my work wasn’t meaningful because it didn’t feature people. I remember some of my classmates creating these really emotional portraits, and there I was taking pictures of flowers. I felt so superficial and simple. It wasn’t until I graduated that I realised that this wasn’t at all the case. I was just doing something different from them, not something of lesser value. We all live our own creative lives, and even though I know that now it seems like I still question my own work whenever I’m surrounded by people that are (or seem to be) really confident about what they create. Which the ~world wide web~ is full of.
So back to my art today.I’ve been working almost exclusively with abstract art for a few months now, and it has kind of set me free from the thought that I need to have that clear message in every image. However, this lack of a clear message has in turn made me question if there’s any point in my work at all. Other than it being nice to look at. Because as much as I think that art doesn’t need any other purpose than that, I feel like I need more purpose than that.
And then I started writing that application. And I was like “Uh wtf do I write here? I make pretty abstract things that mean nothing?”. Because that’s honestly the way I felt about them, at least when I started questioning everything. But suddenly I realised – the secret to my art is that I don’t question it. It’s not about a purpose and a hands-on message, at all. Or a plan. It’s about something else – it’s about intuition and emotions. I don’t question the process, I don’t question the result, I create what I want to create and what feels right.
And how silly of me to have mistaken this for something superficial and simple. I should’ve realised it wasn’t that time someone called my art magical. I should’ve known that time a new piece made me feel so much. I should’ve known that time someone said “your art will make people feel again”. (Which is btw maybe the nicest thing someone has ever said to me.) The problem was that I hadn’t realised what I was actually doing.
Like, I’m letting my subconscious run free. Ever heard of that before? (If you haven’t studied art history you might have not actually but whatevs.) I’m being a freaking modern day surrealist. This is automatism. I’M DALI MOTHERFUCKERS. Only it’s abstract. And there are less melting clocks. Okay, I’m not Dali. Maybe I’m actually more like an abstract expressionist, it doesn’t really matter, what matters is that I create based on emotions and intuition rather than ideas and logic. And that’s great!
Because what was important with this was that I could also remind myself that neither intuition nor logic is better than the other when it comes to art, and that what matters is creating and creating something that feels right to you.
For me, art is a way to free myself from overthinking, eternal reflections and the constant demand for reason. I just want to be unreasonable, god dammit!! I want to glitch the hell out of those images and make them unrecognisable.
I want to let go of reality and reason and let my creative self do whatever it wants.
And I think I’ve finally realised that there’s a lot of artistic value in that.
Also known as the series where I share things that I’ve made + things that inspire me.
By me: #100daysofLostMemories day 1-6
So creatively this past week has mostly consisted of #the100dayproject for me. If you didn’t know, I’m doing #100daysofLostMemories over on my Instagram, which means I’m creating something every day inspired by the words “Lost Memories”. So anyway, I thought we’d take a moment during these Mondays to talk about what I’ve been creating the past week for the challenge!
It all started with the picture above which was my introduction! I later realised that this should’ve been uploaded the day before and then I should’ve started uploading the other creations on the first day. But I created the text and everything on the first day so I decided it works!
The second day I set up my home studio (hehe it’s a black sheet over this old thing my dad used to use for showing us diapositives and then just natural light from the window) and took some self portraits with slow shutter speeds!
It was cool but slow work since every picture took fifteen seconds to take and then my stupid camera had to process it for a while before I could even see if it was any good. Most pictures didn’t turn out so good, and I’m not gonna lie, I enhanced the effect digitally in the picture above!
Other candidates included:
I like these as well! It’s kind of refreshing to just go for one picture at a time though. My photography teacher in school once told me you had to have at least three pictures in a series, and I always strive for having at least three pictures that are cohesive in some way, but I don’t have to! I can be free and do whatever I want!
I also took this adorable picture of me and Lumos!!! I’ve tried getting good pictures of him and me previously but he always looks like he’s hating it. Probably because he does hate it.
The third day I faked a black background on an old self-portrait and then made a double exposure out of it!
Here’s what I started with!
I really struggled day four (after saying the day before that I was super inspired and happy, sight) and tried a lot of different things until I finally made the picture above after deciding to make something similar to the day before. I was thinking they could be part of a series, but I think they require a bit of touching up to really go together. It’s made with this old selfie I found hehe.
Other things I created that day that didn’t make the cut:
I decided to go for something different this day and used an old picture from my phone (!) from a foggy day a few months ago. I really like this one! My friend Alicia said it looks like watercolour and she’s absolutely right!
Creative inspiration monday = what I’ve been working on + things that have inspired me!
By me: Painting
I haven’t really painted in a year or so, but I suddenly felt the urge to do it again so I went with it. It was kinda fun but then at the end I got angry because it didn’t turn out like I wanted it to so yeah, I need to work on it.
I also tried putting clingfilm on really watered down acrylic paint, because Alicia used it with watercolours on the background for her Bowie-portrait and it looks super cool! It turned out a bit harsh with the acrylics though so I ended up painting over it all and starting over with the clouds hehe.
By me: Wallpaper samples on the wardrobe
I ordered these wallpaper samples from Sandberg (for free!) and liked them so much I used them to cover up the holes in my wardrobe door. There was this weird like fake chalkboard which was just painted wood on it when we moved in. So yeah haven’t done anything about that before now!
Would’ve wanted two more (I got ten) so I could put six on the other door as well. Anyway.
By me: New blog header
I worked on this quite a while! I realised suddenly during the week that the header I had didn’t really suit the feel I’m going for with this blog. I wanted something that focused a bit more on creating than my face… Hehe. I went ahead and changed profile pic as well while I was at it! If you don’t remember what it used to look like I’ve included a picture! I’m so nice!
By someone else: Paper bluebells
Brittany over at The House That Lars Built made these AMAZING paper bluebells and have blessed us all with instructions for how to make our own! So amazing! Click here to go get it!
By someone else: Boost your creativity
I’m all about the creative life, but sometimes you need some help to actually come up with ideas, and this blog post has ten of them! Check it out!
I’ve had a pretty productive week with creating really, and it’s been really nice! But I’m most happy about the header change, it feels really good! Yay!
Also #the100dayproject starts TOMORROW! I’ve decided on #100daysoflostmemories and have started brainstorming to come up with some ideas for concepts and projects!